Los Angeles is known for its sprawling celebrity mansions and lavish properties, but comedian Bert Kreischer bucks this trend with his modest home in the Valley Village neighborhood. Despite his fame and fortune, Bert’s house offers an understated and relaxed vibe that reflects his humble personality.
Bert Kreischer House
Bert Kreischer is an American stand-up comedian who came to prominence after being featured in a 1997 Rolling Stone article titled “The Undergraduate” about his experience joining a Russian mafia while studying abroad. Since then, he has released multiple comedy specials, hosted various television shows, and appeared on podcasts like The Joe Rogan Experience.
Known as the “Machine” for his party lifestyle, Bert has crafted an onstage persona as a lovable, hard-drinking maniac. However, offstage, he opts for a more lowkey life with his wife and daughters in Los Angeles. Instead of a sprawling mega Bert Kreischer House chose an older, modest-sized home in the Valley Village area.
The Exterior and Location Bert Kreischer House
Nestled in the southeastern San Fernando Valley, Valley Village is a quiet residential area near major studios such as Universal and Warner Brothers. Bert Kreischer House is a single-story ranch-style home, likely built in the 1950s. The exterior is simple, with a brown brick facade and minimal landscaping.
With less than 2,000 square feet of living space, the home is considered small for celebrity standards. Yet the vintage exterior and unassuming curb appeal reflect Bert’s preference for simplicity over flashiness. Despite his wealth, he opted for a starter-sized home rather than a massive celebrity compound.
Bert Kreischer House The Interior
Stepping inside, Bert Kreischer House features an eclectic mix of retro and modern elements. The layout has an open concept centering around a cozy living room adorned with mid-century couches and colorful rugs.
Vintage touches like wood paneling and tiled floors blend seamlessly with Bert’s kitschy decor, like beer signs and concert posters. While humbly sized, the interior feels warm, inviting, and uniquely personal compared to the stark, museum-like showplaces of many A-listers.
Looking closer at the interior design, a few key details stand out. Bert opted for hardwood floors throughout, which lend a sense of warmth and timelessness.
The color palette includes earthy neutrals balanced by punches of color in the furniture and decor. This creates a laidback vibe that doesn’t take itself too seriously.
While the Bert Kreischer House lacks expensive finishes, creative flourishes like exposed brick walls and reclaimed wood add organic texture. The eclectic light fixtures and abundance of plants feel youthful and lively.
Overall, the interior choices reflect Bert’s playful personality rather than mimicking sterile celebrity aesthetics. It’s a home tailored perfectly to his tastes.
Bert Kreischer House Living and Dining Rooms
Bert Kreischer House The main living area embodies Bert’s lowkey aesthetic with lived-in shabby-chic furniture and tongue-in-cheek knickknacks from his comedy career. A plush sectional and armchairs offer space to lounge, while the nearby dining nook features a wooden table surrounded by missmatched chairs for family meals.
Despite his hard-partying image, Bert Kreischer House has a softness that reflects quality time with his daughters. The rooms feel functional yet full of personality.
Bert Kreischer House Bedrooms and Bathrooms
As a ranch-style Bert Kreischer House, the bedrooms and bathrooms branch off from the main living areas in a simple single-story layout. Bert’s bedroom features a large bed anchored by rustic nightstands and cozy textiles.
The bathroom has vintage tilework and basic builder-grade finishes, while the girls’ rooms burst with color and youthful energy. There are no sprawling master suites or lavish vanities, just modest rooms tailored to each family member’s needs.
Den
One highlight is Bert’s den, outfitted with a bar, pub tables, neon signs, and music posters. This lounge-like space nods to his party days while allowing him to decompress in his own private man-cave. It’s likely where he watches sports, unwinds after gigs, and hosts small gatherings with friends.
Bert Kreischer House The Kitchen
As the hub of family life, the kitchen punches above its weight with smart updates and family-friendly amenities. The galley-style layout is expanded by an island with barstool seating and high-end stainless appliances.
White cabinetry keeps things bright and cheery, while the classic tile backsplash and double-basin farmhouse sink give a nod to vintage charm. It’s a room designed for gathering, snacking, and bonding over meals as a family.
Built for a avid entertainer like Bert, the ample granite countertops offer plenty of prep space. There’s also a built-in bar area, walk-in pantry, and casual breakfast nook. Despite its modest size, the kitchen is packed with features perfect for Bert’s laidback hosting style.
The Outdoor Area
Another highlight is the backyard oasis where Bert can enjoy LA’s sunny climate. The sprawling deck with an al fresco dining table is perfect for entertaining. Inside a white picket fence, there’s a spacious lawn and pool for family fun.
While many celebrity homes boast ornate landscaping and infinity pools, Bert Kreischer House backyard is pleasantly simple. A covered patio houses a grill, weathered furniture, and low-key hot tub. Mature trees surround the perimeter, allowing for privacy without pretention.
Both the front and backyards maximize outdoor living in a way that feels welcoming rather than intimidating. It’s easy to imagine the Kreischer’s hosting a relaxed BBQ or their daughters splashing in the pool with friends.
Ownership and Value
Bert purchased the 3-bed, 2-bath Valley Village home in 2006 for $1.2 million with his wife LeeAnn. While the price tag seems high, it’s quite modest by LA standards, especially for a famous comedian. Similar celebrity homes often start at $5-10 million.
Today, Bert Kreischer House is estimated around $2 million – a steal considering its prime location and ample amenities. While the home lacks supersized square footage, its celebrities pedigree and coveted real estate boosts the value. Still, Bert scored a down-to-earth place at a reasonable price.
Bert Kreischer House The Garage
One part of Bert Kreischer House that doesn’t get much attention is the garage. Attached to the house, it provides covered parking for multiple vehicles.
Given Bert’s love of motorcycles and cars, the garage allows him to store an array of vehicles safely out of the elements. It also enables easy access when loading up for one of his cross-country touring trips.
While most celebrity garages are filled with rare supercars and status symbols, Bert’s likely houses more practical family vehicles. An SUV for carting his daughters around, a spacious minivan for airport trips, and his beloved motorcycles.
Like the rest of the home, the garage provides necessary space without going over-the-top. It’s an ideal lowkey spot to store Bert’s toys and tend to his rides as an automotive enthusiast.
The Security System Bert Kreischer House
As a famous comedian, Bert does require certain security precautions at his residential property. The Bert Kreischer House features a security alarm system with door and window sensors to detect intruders.
Outdoor motion detectors and security cameras provide additional monitoring around the perimeter. However, Bert tried to avoid an oppressive, prison-like atmosphere.
The exterior has subtle fencing rather than large imposing gates. By blending in with neighboring homes, Bert’s residence keeps a low profile despite his celebrity status.
The goal was peace of mind without feeling unsafe in his own home. For Bert, the ideal security system is invisible but effective.
Future Plans
Having lived in the home over 15 years, Bert does have some future renovation dreams. As his daughters grow older, he may convert the garage into a Spotify studio.
Outdoor upgrades like a built-in BBQ kitchen and firepit would maximize time spent with friends in the yard. And a full kitchen remodel could modernize the space without losing its charm.
But Bert remains content with the humble abode that currently meets his family’s needs. Major changes can wait until the next phase of his life after his daughters leave the nest.
For now, small DIY projects here and there keep the house feeling fresh. Bert always maintains his home with the same approach he takes to life – relaxed and unpretentious.
Comparison to Other Celebrity Homes
Compared to the megamansions of LA elite, Bert Kreischer’sdigs are quite modest. But he eschews flashy features like home theaters, wine cellars, and sports complexes. Everything about the home’s aesthetic feels approachable and family-oriented.
Fellow comics like Jo Koy and Iliza Shlesinger live in 4-5 bedroom luxury homes. Meanwhile, Joe Rogan owns a $14 million 12,000 square foot fortress. Despite his means, Bert opted for cozy over crazy.
Ultimately, Bert choice a home tailored to his family’s need rather than stroking his ego. The lived-in charm far surpasses the sterile opulence of most celebrity pads.
Conclusion
While humble on paper, Bert Kreischer’s Valley Village residence has an undeniable appeal. The single-story floorplan, retro touches, and relaxed outdoor spaces create a comfy retreat for his family.
Rather than trying to impress, Bert’s home feels like an authentic representation of his life as a comedian, husband, and father. For a celeb known as the “Machine,” his design aesthetic is quite tasteful and grounded.
In the end, square footage and luxury features matter far less than creating a place you genuinely love. The Kreischer home proves you don’t need a palatial estate to live like a king in LA. Bert opted for quality over quantity, choosing a home with ample heart and soul.
